Every Time a Synapse Fires

As someone who basically inhaled books on all sorts of dumb trivia from a young age, I was familiar with most of this list of 12 things that have only happened once in Major League Baseball.

The first one, where a guy steals 2nd, runs backward and steals 1st, then steals 2nd again only ever made sense to me in the way that early baseball was more full of weird showmanship and overblown characters than modern baseball. I figured it was just a wacky story from a byegone era when players were probably really drunk all the time.

Turns out, not so much. The reason he stole all those bases is that there were 2 out and a man on third, so he was hoping to get caught in a run-down that would last long enough for the runner on 3rd to score before he was inevitably caught. It was a completely rational and, in fact, kind of brilliant idea, except for the part where it didn't work so he ended up running around like an idiot.

I've been thinking a lot lately about Ze Frank's idea of Chasing That Happy (actually, I've been thinking about most of the things he's done with his new show, because he's been killing it), and, for me, this is one of the little things that makes me inexplicably happy. I really like being able to understand things and put them into systems that make sense and fit together. I think it's why I like video games, even ones that are frequently tedious - they present systems for me to understand, control, and then exploit for the purposes of feeling like a really smart person.

That veered into actual LiveJournal land instead of my usually bloggy style, but, whatever, it's almost the freakin' weekend, baby.

Update: Another example that just occured to me: I loved finding out that Andy of "peperony and chease" fame was mimicking a Tombstone Pizza ad. It makes what's otherwise delightful but random absurdity into something that makes sense.

I'm not 100% sure why I read a New York Times article about Italian counterfeiters, but it rewarded me with this quote: "While Campania is dominated by the Camorra, the notoriously violent organized crime network, the authorities here say counterfeiting is actually a peripheral line for the gangsters, who prefer to focus on more lucrative businesses like toxic waste dumping, drug trafficking and illegal garment workshops."

Who knew that dumping toxic waste could be more profitable than printing your own money? Or that dumping toxic waste was a way to make money for anyone but people who own toxic waste producing factories? As long as I'm being astonished, I also knew that owning sweatshops was a good way to make a sleazy buck, but, again, we're comparing it to printing as much of your own money as you care to. Obviously there are start-up costs and limitations that keep counterfeiting from being a way to make infinite amounts of money, but you'd still figure it's better on both of those counts than sweatshops.

Angela Merkel and David Cameron watch the Champions League Final.

In some ways the best part is that you can nearly pinpoint the moment that this was taken, which is almost certainly when Schweinsteiger missed his penalty. A couple of other highlights include how Obama is clearly faking enthusiasm and how excited David Cameron is acting when his team is apparently Aston Villa, and even that is more along the lines of John Kerry and the Red Sox than Nixon and the Redskins.

I went 2/4 in the 2nd round, which I think wasn't terrible considering this playoff season has been kind of a bumpy one for predictions. I don't even hate all 4 teams, which is not always the case.

New York Rangers vs New Jersey Devils - Amazingly, the Devils are probably the most fast-paced, offensively-oriented team left. It's a testament to the organization's ability to adapt as much as to the fact that all the high-scoring teams got dropped early. The Rangers remain deadly boring and utterly interchangeable except for a couple of players that I'll always associate with other teams and their goalie. I also have to think that the Kovalchuk vindication would be pretty great.
Devils in 5

Phoenix Coyotes vs Los Angeles Kings - This might be the easiest choice of this whole playoffs. I don't hate hate the Coyotes, but I don't want them to win another game this year. Meanwhile, the Kings are a delight and full of players I'd be happy to see win a Cup. The combination of Flyers West and Oilers South is a surprisingly heady one. The Kings also nixed both the Blues and the Canucks, which is a lot of bonus points in my eyes. It's certainly worth more to me than kicking out the Predators and Blackhawks.
Kings in 4

So, here's the nutshell version of my feelings on Eurovision 2012 since the contest is just a couple weeks away. What should you watch? What weird junk somehow wormed its way in? How many of these stupid ballads are worth listening to?

I'm glad you asked, because otherwise it would feel like I've gone to all this effort for nothing.

The highlights:

• Greece - Just a solid entry in the Energetic Dance Song category.
  
• Romania - It's a Cuban-Romanian band, doing about what you'd expect a Cuban-Romanian band to do.
  
• Israel - Possibly my favorite entry as a song, even if it's got no chance to go anywhere. Very 70s glam rock.
  
• Denmark - A pleasant Jewel-esque little number.
  
• Serbia - This one almost made the weirdlights for the Kenny G guy blowing into a stick, but I kind of like the song, so here it is. If you listen to just one ballad in this year's contest, you could do a lot, lot worse.
  
• Moldova - Let's go with my original description: Suspendered Edward Norton leads a polka band.
  
• Ireland - As time has gone on, I've only liked this song more. It's actually really enjoyable. Like, the metaphor is novel enough to be interesting and they clearly put all their energy into it and . . . I dunno, it's just a lot of fun. I don't know what I've become.
  
• Belarus - Belarus goes with elfin Space Marines singing a Lifehouse song.
  
• Malta - Hip young Maltese people party in an abandoned parking structure that's on fire. They also do some weird thing with their feet that I can't replicate.
  
• Turkey - Let me once again state that this video features cisterns. If that's not enough to get you excited, I'm not sure what else I can do for you. Cisterns. Complete with a little bit of water inside.
  
• Norway - If you'd like a sprinkle of contemporary music trends, you'll probably want to check this out, since it's got some of those dubstep noises that are so hot right now/were so hot in 2011.
  

The weirdlights:

• Montenegro - There's a donkey, and an old guy raps about Euroskepticism or something while staring at women half his age. They seem to like his donkey more than him.
  
• Albania - What would a musical popularity contest be without some overwrought Art?
  
• Switzerland - While the song and video are mostly just bad, the VGA connectors jutting from people have a certain dopey charm to them.
  
• San Marino - The fabled song about Facebook. Wait, sorry, the "social network ooh-ooh-oh-oh".
  
• Russia - Completely incomprehensible. Some old ladies chant for a bit then yell "Party for Everybody!" and a dance song breaks out. Easily the weirdest thing this year.
  
• Austria - Two dudes rap about butts for, like, 3 full minutes.
  
• FYROM - If you've been searching for the lost Meat Loaf song, know that your quest is over.
  
• Netherlands - Hoo boy, the Cowboys and Indians theme (complete with headdresses and a whole bunch of other props from a particularly racist Western) does not wear well. Too bad it probably benefits this awful, awful song.
  
• Slovenia - Only watch this one long enough to see her hat. It is amazing.
  
• Ukraine - Sweet, a transparent ad for how great their upcoming soccer tournament will be, as done by an early 90s dance group!
  
• Georgia - He's trying to cram every possible Eurovision thing into a mere 3 minutes, so get ready for rap, opera, disco, white gloves, writing stuff on fishbowls in lipstick, everything.
  

If I had to predict this one, I'd go all in on Jedward. They've got a lot more going for them this year, or at least they've got a song that's not incredibly horrible.

Well, that was weird. Most of the overwhelming favorite are out now, leaving . . . the Blues? The Rangers? It's a weird group, and I'd definitely be more excited if the Blackhawks were still in it, because as it stands they could have rocked this bracket if they could have just solved Mike Smith. If you read no other words about this hockey playoffs, I encourage you to read this great piece on playoff goalies this year. Its basic premise that nothing makes sense is almost indisputable.

( Hey, at least the Panthers are out so I didn't have to hear about how great Dale Tallon is )

So, I wrote a pretty long NHL playoffs preview on Sunday and the post seems to have completely disappeared. I was pretty frustrated about it and was all set to turn in a very terse preview just to have my heartfelt, headless predictions on record, but then I realized that I'm the only person on the face of the entire Earth who actually cares about this, so if I'm going to do it, I might as well do it well. So, here we are again.

This year, I'll look at the player on each roster that I feel most strongly about and talk about that briefly, then pull a prediction out of my ass.

( This time, actual analysis may take place. No promises. )

You'd think the rich countries with well-developed music industries would be better at this, but they are terrible, by and large. At least none of them sent a boy band, as happened last year.

Part 6 will be short, just a quick re-recap of the songs it's actually worth listening to. It's the sort of thing one wouldn't want to rush, obviously.

( Unlike this, which should be rushed because these songs suck )

More ballads of varying quality. Thankfully, we're getting close to the end, because it's starting to become a slog. And my fingers are so tired, and the temperature in here is either too hot or too cold, and I'd like a drink of water, and I'm kind of hungry, and there's other stuff I should do but I don't wanna, and it could be a little warmer outside, and really, isn't modern life just the worst?

( Seriously, though, there's only so many ways to say, 'this is a mediocre ballad that I didn't enjoy very much' )

Blergh, this was not a fun section. I don't do well with slow ballads about love and shit, and this group had 4 or 5. Maybe someone who cares about singing would be more excited by them, but cripes, I'm here for dumb pop and ridiculous getups, not to learn the meaning of love. If this means I need to shut up and embrace Jedward, it's worth it. Also, Waterline is a way better song than Lipstick, so I was right to not like them last year.

( Ballads, ballads, and more ballads )